Merely A Boy
by Sombereyes
Summary: Riza protects Edward in the ways his mother no longer can. A series of one-shots... "What kind of woman would I be," She reminded herself harshly, as if she were scolding Roy about how young they were once again, "if I denied this boy simply that..."
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A little thing I thought of and wanted to type it out. It isn't anything grand or huge, just a little idea I thought about since Ed always seemed to have nightmares.  
one-shot only. Please read and review.

* * *

He had the eyes of a boy, yet the heart of a man. "_Or perhaps,"_ Riza considered when she saw the young man like this, _"It's the other way around."_ Either way, the reality was mingled. He was not fully a man who shouldered his burdens away from everyone else. In some ways, perhaps horrific though they were, he was still a child. Trapped in his memories. Both of the Elric boys were, after all, still children. It was something Riza struggled with as she saw Ed now. He was caught up again in a round of little sleep, his guild waving over him like the rain of denial. Still, unlike that of a mere child, he understood what had happened.

He just blamed himself.

Loss was inevitable in the military. Being stupid, nosing around into matters that didn't concern you, well, you just didn't do it. These boys, this boy particularly, had a fondness for shoving his metal middle finger into the face of the military. All of her boys, the men she cared for did that, she assumed. Roy, his idiocy was endearing, his heart purely gold. He had the eyes of the future, and there were often times she sought his comfort, when she herself could find none. Roy would take her on the nights she sought sensual peace in her arms. She would give her body to that man whenever he wished, because she too, wished the same.

Riza knew it was only a matter of time before one of the Elric boys would seek comfort of their own. Al, he was better at hiding things, he found ways to sequester his pent up emotions, often just sitting motionless. Ed was flesh, his tears would stain his cheeks. They were tangible, wet and real. He, unlike his brother could not hide behind the metal that forged them into the young men that they were.

_"Perhaps it is fitting,"_ Riza assumed, _"that the younger brother is stronger."_ Ed was the one who carried the weight of both of them, regardless of Al's own determination. It was no doubt that Ed would crack eventually. She just didn't think it would end up being in the corner of his room, after several nights of refusing to go to bed. The first time it had happened he was very young. He had just passed the exam, his childlike fear gripped him, and she saw the quivering little boy, who'd lost his mother.

The nights like that night, the nights like tonight, would come and go like the ocean tides.

"Let me deal with him." She'd told his companions, who watched on wordlessly. "Al, go with Winry." She didn't want anyone around, anyone to witness her own understanding. When the door clicked shut, she turned her gaze away, locking the deadbolt with an unsavory click. His whimpering held him in place, and her eyes softened as she realized, for not the first time, that Ed was still very much a child. She could not count the ways. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, half carrying him to the bed as he dragged his feet, even as she managed to get him to sit down, his eyes seemed so blank in their vastness, his eyes still raining in guilt. "You need rest, Edward." She told him softly as she pushed him gently unto the mattress.

His cold metal hand caught her before she had the chance to move away from him, even a little. "Don't leave." He shuttered out.

There was something she believed in, as insignificant as the army made it seem. The warmth of another, you could not replace it. This boy had most of the gentleness in life ripped away from him. Taken before he was ready to let go. Life was cruel like that, but she knew well of the coldness in his heart. She released herself from his grasp as she sighed, unbuttoning her military jacket. She was familiar with this routine by now. What boy his age wouldn't need reassurance? Riza shook her head inwardly at that, they all did. All of her boys needed it.

Roy needed a woman strong enough to stand by him.  
Al needed someone gentle, to guide him, especially after brotherly fights.  
Havoc, being the womanizing idiot that he could be, needed someone to keep him in line.  
Fury merely needed a friend.  
Edward...

He needed her. Perhaps it was because he was not yet old enough to seek a woman his own age. Perhaps it was he fear that kept him from clinging onto Winry, or even that dark haired girl, Lan Fan. He did seek a woman though, and that woman was her. As she slipped out of most of her attire, he didn't look at her with the same eyes Roy did. He didn't wait to ravish her, or even gaze upon her with the intent to touch her in such ways. Merely he looked on, waiting for his warmth, waiting for her unconditional love. "Don't you ever get sick of this?" He asked defeated as he put his arm of metal over his eyes. The cold likely burning his skin, his actions making her see the shame he felt.

"Whatever it takes." She told him, the only things covering her were panties, and the dark shirt she always kept under her uniform. Though, she did remove her bra expertly, pulling out of the shirt without exposing herself. "There are times that you have to admit you're weak. That you have to give into your desires, as inappropriate as they may be." Yes, that was the word for this, now wasn't it? Inappropriate, the way it was now, as she slipped under the covers. Inappropriate that a grown woman, such as herself, would stay with a boy his age, and sleep near him, even entwining the boy in her arms. "People need each other, Edward. Sometimes, you can't do it alone."

Ed was calm as she held him, and for one night, even if it _was_ only for that night, he would sleep well. His mother wouldn't plague him. His guilt wouldn't chase him. For just a few hours he would fall into the depth of darkness that was dreamless, nothing to haunt him, and nothing to hurt him. He didn't say anything as he began to drift off, and she smiled her sad little wane. Damning fate, as she wondered how a boy like him could lose a person so precious.

He needed solace, craved it to the point of hysteria on the worst of nights. _"Anything to get by."_ A motto she often chanted rang in her ears and somehow the sickening thoughts of situation melted away from her, just like it always seemed to do. One day soon, she knew well enough, Edward would seek a woman his own age. He would want something passionate and lustful. Right now though, he just wanted a woman to hold him, to nurture him. Right now, he just wanted a mother.

"_What kind of woman would I be,"_ she reminded herself harshly, as if she were scolding Roy about how young the boys were once again,_ "if I denied this child simply that..."_


	2. A Shell

A/N: Hey, look who's back! Yes...yes, I've been missing...told ya I'd be busy. I'll only be more busy as time goes on. Let's see...there was a new baby in the extended family, a wedding just today, and a funeral a awhile back. I'm still updating though, and I'm still around. It's just going to take time, and no, I haven't abandoned any of my stories just yet. So, don't worry so much guys. Anyway, this is just another little one shot for Riza and Ed... Again, Riza is playing a motherly role for him, and nothing more than that. I'll be posting some more stuff before the end of next week, when I have the down time to actually sit down, and enjoy writing again.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this next one shot.

I don't own FMAB.

**A shell**

It wasn't exactly that she wanted him to shoot anyone. In fact, she hated the idea that he could put any more blood on his hands than necessary. It wasn't in him to kill, but, he had accepted the role of an adult. He stood as a prodigy, and she often wondered just what that would mean for him. Still, he was in the army, searching for a dangerous thing, and fighting in a war far bigger than any of them. He knew how to shoot a gun, the mere idea wasn't difficult, but it was a burden to carry it anyway. She knew he found it impossible to use, the mere idea of taking it turned painful memories within him, and very reluctant actions. She could admit she felt the same about this boy having his own firearm. She was glad he didn't have to carry one, but still, he did have to be issued standard military attire.

As a sate alchemist, there were many things he'd likely lock away.

A gun was apart of that. Three guns to be exact. A sniper rifle, a handgun, and a sub machine gun...all standard equipment, and everyone, even the far more powerful state alchemists knew how to use at least one of the three, and with deadly accuracy. Roy Mustang, though he wasn't nearly as good as the others, could shoot a gun rather well. He often times relied on Hawkeye, and left his own firearm well enough alone. Still, he could hit a target if he had no other choice. Those times were rare though, and Riza, being the skillful shot that she was, normally took out any opponent before Roy had the chance to fire his own ammunition...

If it even got to that point, he was normally slinging his fire around anyway.

Ed was military, young though he was...and right now she couldn't stand to have him being taught out on the range...it irked her, watching the instructor bark orders at him, as if he were some lowlife without a cause. They broke everyone down and built them back up, it was normal, and she herself had gone through it. Ed didn't need to be rebuilt, he didn't need to be changed. He was strong, he'd proven that time and time again...still, she was close to him, so much so, she wasn't allowed to help him with such training.

"_It's alright."_ He'd told her before going off for one of his lessons. _"No one can be as tough as Teacher."_

She'd hoped that would be the case...but the lesson was over now, and he stood before her as a very different person, the bags under his eyes that of a potential killer. She'd seen it before, young men and women, herself included, brainwashed and ready to take a life. He wasn't quite so easily shaken up either, so what had ever gone on outside, it hadn't been easy on him. "Are you alright, Edward?" She asked him softly as she placed her hands on his shoulders, trying to read his gaze.

"I will never shoot that thing at anyone, ever." His voice quivered in reply. He licked his dry lips, his anger seething. "I won't kill people, innocent or not. I'm not a murderer."

"And you don't have to be." She said then, sighing at the facts. She pulled him into a hug, something she did when no one else was around, a guilty pleasure she took in trying to fill a void. "You don't have to kill people Ed, just think of it as protection." He needed something more than this life, of everyone forcing duties upon him. She wanted to take some of the pain away. He was gifted so much, and she wished she could bring a soft smile to his face.

"If I need that, I'll just throw up a wall, or I'll make my hand into a sword. I can do other things, I don't need a gun." It was so like him to say something like that, to refuse the military at every turn, so long as he was still breathing. He was already part metal...humanity...a fragment of it anyway, had been ripped from him before he even understood what being human really was. He'd dabbled in a wicked science, one very dangerous, and often depraved. "There are other methods, there will always be other ways."

"For you Ed, there may be." Riza said then, backing away, taking his metal hand in hers. "But I'm flesh and blood, Ed. I don't have the luxuries you and your brother do...He can get shot as many times as he wants, and all the bullets ever do is bounce off of him. You have ways of fighting, of augmenting this arm that I don't have, and neither does Roy. For people like me, my guns are all I have, so as evil as it is, I need it." She knew the truth though. If these boys hadn't used forbidden alchemy, they wouldn't be in the military in the first place, they wouldn't need the very things that enabled them, tormented them. "There may come a time when you don't have any other options...when this arm can't change, or that you can't rely on it. If that happens, you'll need another way, and it may just be a gun that you'll have to choose...but what good is a gun, if you can't use it properly?"

Ed nodded, but he didn't say anything, and as he continued to look at his metal hand, he finally just shrugged...handing his gun over to her. "Everything has a price. Everything...there isn't anything that comes for free, someone, or something takes a loss." The creaking in his automail, it was a price he paid, the metal a cold, solid reminder, of the things he'd given up. "If that means I die one day, just because I didn't shoot a gun, I guess that's just whats going to happen. If I can't get out of things without it, then I must be so weak I can't survive. I wouldn't deserve to."

"You have to keep fighting, Edward." Riza let her voice drift off into a dark and cold place. "If you ever want to see the end, and meet your goal, then you may end up doing things you won't like. You can't always be an idealist, sometimes, you have to accept that ideals won't save you."

"I don't believe you...ideals are everything, even when someone has nothing." He said running off like the petulant boy that he was. Riza could only watch him scamper away, likely to go rant at his brother. Knowing quite well that she couldn't sway him, gave her at least some comfort, as she looked at her own ammunition sitting on the table. She shook her head, thinking...wishing, that in the end, Ed would be right.

It was quite some time later, when the sky was gifting stars, not that one could really see them clearly, that she found herself walking down the hallway she knew so well, but it was not her room that beckoned her. She became concerned when she hadn't seen Ed fumbling around with his usual antics, and causing his bluster. Still, she was given the reminder of all he had lost very easily, when she found him hiding away on the roof top. It was his normal place to hide. Transmute a few steps, make your way up, and return the ground to normal. In this case, she found, that the bricks on the building protruded just enough, the he could get up there.

She could see his silhouette...and his defeated, slouch. That was not uncommon, not for a boy like him. No, it was what fell upon her, that rattled her most. Made her realize how much they had conditioned him. One simple shell casing may not seem important to many, but the fact it had fallen from the roof, it told enough. The cold metal, was just as unrelenting as his eyes. She wanted to know why the golden anger was smoldering, why the amber in his eyes lit like fire, and then burnt out...gifting little more than a stony admission, and always, relenting...as if, he was always on the line.

Wanting to give up, but knowing, there wasn't any way he could.

It didn't help either, that he'd made promises to people, vows he, himself took as law. He wanted to prove himself, and carry out one particular promise most of all...and to do it without fault, without casualty, and with a happy ending. Juvenile perhaps, but she knew what Ed was really thinking behind those eyes. If he could manage to turn his brother back to normal, everything would go back to being the same. They could rebuild, without having to face what they'd done. It may have been untrue, and any stern adult would have told them that...but, she believed in his dreams, perhaps, because she was still young in many ways.

So, she let herself be swept away by this child, his whims so easily forgotten. She, an adult woman, became lost at the plight of a child...and there was no denying that, he was still just a boy. Hardly within the days of puberty, he was fighting a war of not only his body, but also, his mind...and he was also fighting a war of life and death, of truth, and of lies spun by things she herself couldn't begin to explain...A fairytale at best...a sin...a crime, worse than any other.

Playing god, and the victim all at once.

So when she went to him, it surprised her, even if only a little, to see that he was sleeping, leaning on the brick of the chimney for support. His metallic hand lay open, as she bit her lip. She realized that he too, had been studying the meaning of such a little, inconsequential thing. A tiny bullet that was no longer there, perhaps the casing one from the gun he'd shot earlier...it didn't matter, whatever he was thinking, it was his nightmare, and his alone. Not even his brother could carry it for him. Still, as she sat up there on the cold night, keeping him company in his rest, she saw his innocence, his other hand under his shirt only the slightest bit, just like that of a boy.

She refused herself the pity. There were many nights out, back during the war, when she herself slept sitting up, afraid to find solace. She would not give him any, because he didn't want it. He wanted to wallow in his anger, and hate...he wanted to understand it himself, and she saw that as strength. Still, they were old dogs, both of them...and you couldn't each them new tricks. So, just like the loyalty that she was, she merely sat, and stayed...waiting for the boy to wake up, or for herself to fall asleep...either way, it didn't matter.

It wouldn't change the day...but, maybe, it would change the future.


End file.
